My Muchness

One of my favorite movies is the most recent Alice in Wonderland that came out in 2010. Now, I know what you're thinking: "That's just because it has Johnny Depp in it!" Well, that's only partially true. ;) Aside from it being a Tim Burton film with really cool cinematography, there's something that stuck with me. It's from my favorite scene in the movie, where Mad Hatter is talking to Alice about her return to Wonderland. He says:

"You're not the same as you were before. You were much more... muchy-er. You've lost your muchness."

I've felt like that for a long time now. Like maybe I've lost a piece of myself, my creativity, my freedom, my "muchness". But I've realized something; who is the one being that wants me to feel defeated, worn out and small because he fears me? Satan. Like Alice, we have a great destiny and purpose for our life. And the Red Queen will do whatever she can to stop it.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

This verse reminds me a little of something that Alice said: "I've been told where I must go and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed into a teapot!" But Alice knew who she was and what she was supposed to do and it kept her going. In the end, as it turned out, she never really lost her "muchness". It was there all along.

It's the same with you and I. Not because of who we are, but because of Whose we are. We are 
greatly loved by God, His child, an heir of God and co-heir with Christ, a member of God’s family, blessed in the heavenly realm with every spiritual blessing, chosen to be part of a royal priesthood and a holy nation set apart for God. That doesn't sound very small or weak. 

Sure, some days we don't shine as bright, feel as good, smile as much, work as hard and feel like we are 2 inches tall. But let's remember Whose we are, and that we haven't lost our "muchness".

 

Lessons From A Lizard

"But ask the beasts, and they will teach you; the birds of the heavens, and they will tell you; Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind. (Job 12:7, 9, 10 ESV)

Today as I was walking outside, I saw a little lizard no longer than my pinky finger scamper across the sidewalk. If you know anything about me, I love nature and the little details and intricacies of His creation. So naturally, I wanted to pick it up! At first I considered the traditional way of catching a lizard: chasing after it like a madman closing my hands over it to capture it. This method sometime results in the lizard biting you or bolting from your hands at any sign of an opening. So instead, I got down on my knees behind it and laid my hands down in front of it. It stood still for a moment, then slowly crawled into my open hands.  It surprised me when instead of running right through my hands like I thought it would, it stayed in my hands. Eventually, it's breathing slowed down, and it tilted it's head and closed it's eyes. As this tiny body laid in my hands and relaxed, I began to look at the little details of this creature. It's rough skin and perfect little  feet, it's tiny eyelids and long tail. I thought to myself, God put so much detail into something so small, how could I ever say He doesn't care for me or know the details of my life? Then I learned these lessons: 

1. The reason the lizard stayed in my hands is because my hands were open and I didn't move from where I was sitting. The moment I started to close my hands or move, he would have bolted away. He was never mine to hold onto, He belonged to God. Sometimes we try to hold onto things we are given so tightly that we lose them. We must trust God with them. We also tend to get anxious an want to move from where God has us, also causing us to lose what we are given. We must stay planted and hold people and situations with open hands, releasing control and trusting God and we must stay planted where God has put us, trusting that HE will give us what we need. 

2. Another reason the lizard stayed in my hands was because my hands were warm. My hands were warm because I am alive. He could feel my warmth and pulse even though I was not moving because I am alive and breathing. We have to be alive and thriving where we are planted. Things stay and grow where there is life. 

The lizard stayed in my hands for 20 minutes. I'm convinced that he would have stayed even longer if I didn't move because I had to go to lunch! That's just the beauty of our God, He will teach and show us what we need in the places where we least expect it, even from a lizard. 

"They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God." (Psalm 92:13 ESV)

Apathy vs Love

I'm sick of the brokenness of this world; I'm sick of my own apathy. There are hundreds of faces in the dark staring back at me. Why do I sit and stare and ponder? Why are my thoughts not focused and my feet led to wander? I'm a child of a King not lacking in power; Yet another second goes by...a minute, an hour. When will I use what I'm given to change things? Art, perspective and words go a long way,  but LOVE unites it all and is what true Light brings; it comforts the broken, it stops all the bleeding. It's the way back to life; the way back to Eden.  So what's the purpose of this short rhyme? To move thoughts into actions... If not yours, then mine.

Beauty in the Mundane

This is an entry I came across in my journal from October 2011. It really encouraged me to be reminded of what God has been teaching me over the course of this internship and season in my life, so I thought I'd share it with the hopes that it encourages you as well. :)

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to end." Ecc. 3:11

Today is just another day. One of those that can seem mundane. There's nothing spectacular, no big event that is happening today. But this day is important. It's another chance to learn from God and look for ways to show His love. In this life, there is one thing and one thing only that is not "striving after the wind" (Ecc. 2:11). And that is living for God. This may be an ordinary day, but it is one of many that God is using to form the season I am in. Day by day, though I may not see it or feel it, my God is working on me from the inside out. Therefore, this is not simply just another day. It's a construction zone. I want to set out and be joyful in everything that happens. I want to laugh, live and be joyful. I want my excitement for the day and for being under construction to be contagious. Because when the finished product of this season comes, I want to rejoice at how God made everything beautiful in its time. I want to look for the beauty in all things as He silently works to make everything beautiful. There is beauty in seasons of brokenness as well as seasons of wholeness. Jesus, make me more like you and use today to teach me what it is You want me to learn. Amen.

Take It As It Comes

God has been working on my heart about a lot lately. I feel as though I need to go through each day and each situation and just "ponder things in my heart" as Mary did in Luke 2:19. I have tried to get in the habit lately of taking each day as it comes. As a creative and a girl, this is difficult. It's so easy to over think things or plan out exactly how my day will go, but so hard to just rest in the assurance that God holds me. Why is this? The One who created the stars is intimately involved in my day to day life, yet I cannot trust Him with the plans He has for me? It just doesn't make sense. I want to stop living like I am in control. I have really made a point to do that lately. Can I just say, it's an incredible feeling to simply let go? That doesn't mean not caring about the day or situation, but just resting in the peace that He really does work all things together for the good of those who love Him.

I have had a situation that keeps taking me by surprise lately. I really never know what to expect or how to act. I would cry to God and whine about it consistently and even store up anger and hurt in my heart. I finally said, "I have had enough. I can no longer carry this!" That's when I feel like God stepped in gave much needed perspective and peace.

It's hard to be where our feet are when we have dreams and desires. We automatically make elaborate plans and solutions. This does not leave room for God. How can we live in His will if we plan for Him? I for one am done planning. Not to say I'm going to go through life aimlessly, but that I always want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and know that while things do not make sense sometimes, God sees the big perspective and knows what He is doing.

The way God works is so much greater than our ways, how precious are His thoughts! God gave me a beautiful picture of the way He loves tonight at church: We entered a time of prayer towards the end of the service and the daddy of a girl I know is on the leadership team, so he went up to pray for people. In a moment, the girl went up to her daddy and wanted him to pray for her. She put her hands up on his big strong shoulders and he looked at her with pure love. He swept the hair out of her face with his hand and leaned down to listen to her whisper in his ear. I felt like God said to me, "Emily, this is Who I Am to you. I love you like that." I was overwhelmed with emotion and the beauty of the way He loves.

He really does care for you. He really does walk beside you every day and wait for you to look up to Him and whisper in His ear. He really does listen when you talk to Him. He really does work all things together for your good because you are called according to His purpose.

^" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

My Own Personal Nineveh

The book of a Jonah is a book that can relate beautifully to pretty much any Christ-follower’s walk. God tells Jonah to go to Nineveh and tell them of His coming judgment, but Jonah disobeyed, ran the other way and took a ship to Tarshish. His disobedience caused a horrible storm, so he told the other men on the boat to throw him overboard and the storm would stop. The storm came to an end and God sent a huge fish to swallow Jonah whole. He stayed in the belly of the whale for 3 days until the fish spit him out after Jonah cried out to God. Jonah finally went to Nineveh and told the people to repent. The people reacted by repenting and fasting, and God spared them from destruction. Jonah sat on a mountaintop and complained to God. He was very angry that God had spared them, but The Lord responded by showing Jonah that He had the power and authority to condemn or show mercy. The choice was His.

            The reason I said I thought the book of Jonah can relate to pretty much any person who is on a journey following Christ, is because there will always come a time when God will ask us to do something or go somewhere and we try to run in the opposite direction. For me, that time was about a year and a half ago when I felt like God was calling me to do this internship. It was the last thing I wanted to do; my own personal “Nineveh”. I already had a perfect little plan in mind and started running the other way to “Tarshish”. But God kept drawing me back to Himself and His plan. Finally, after fighting God and crying out in prayer, I arrived at Nineveh. I jumped in the deep end head first, but God didn’t leave me alone. He moved and did big things. But like Jonah, I felt like God had told me what He was going to do. I had a picture in my mind of what it was I had to look forward to, of what was going to happen. I’m now sitting on a mountain top overlooking the whole situation, overlooking my Nineveh, and complaining and saying to God, “When are You going to move? Why aren’t You doing the things You said You would do? What about the things You told me and the promises You made?” My answer came in God’s answer to Jonah: “Because I am God and you are not. Do I not have the power to choose?”  I feel like this is the ultimate message of Jonah; that whatever we think we are in control of, we are wrong. God has a plan for everything and is in control of every situation. The difficult part is trusting that He holds it all and knows what is best. Which is funny, because looking at Who He Is and His character, how could we not trust Him? But there is good news! God knows us intimately and knows that we struggle. He delights when we make even baby steps towards Him. Just as He had compassion on Nineveh when they turned towards Him, He shows compassion and understanding in our own lives. All we have to do is look to Him, trust Him and pray like we’re in the belly of a whale.

“For You cast me into the deep, into the heart of the seas, and the flood surrounded me…But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to You; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the Lord!” Jonah 2:3&9

Joy>Happiness & Perspective>Vision

Since coming back from helping with the New York Dreamcenter, I have had so much on my mind. Processesing everything that God has been putting on my heart is difficult, but I’ll try to blog about one topic at a time. Forgive me for any bunny trails. J 

One thing I want to write about is something that God has kept reminding me of over and over for the past year or so. It comes up in my conversations, I hear it in sermons and it’ll randomly come up in different ways. This is something that’s been brewing in my heart for quite some time now. I’m talking about staying faithful and being joyful with where God has us, and soaking in everything we can get from the seasons we go through.

Can I just say, this is so difficult! A lot of times, God gives us a dream or bits and pieces of a vision for our lives, and if we’re not careful, it can consume our thoughts! This past Sunday, Pastor Brad of the NY Dreamcenter, gave an awesome message titled “Uncertainty-The Interpretation of the Dream.” One of the things he said really stood out to me: “The path to your destiny is not always a straight line.” What does that mean? God puts us through different seasons in life to develop something in us or prepare us for what’s to come. And most of the time, these seasons are very unpleasant and we can’t see or feel the change or reasons for them. But what do we do in the meantime!?

Something I feel God has been showing me is that I need to just learn to enjoy the journey. There is so much freedom in just giving God my future. Not just saying it, but laying it in front of Him and leaving it! Wow. Once I truly stopped worrying about what my future will look like, God has completely restored the joy that this world had stolen from me. I was reading a devotional a while back, (Jesus Calling. I highly recommend it!) and it was saying to take each day gently, being fully aware of God’s presence that is always with us. I love that! Just take today as it comes and be joyful for where God has us. How do we stay joyful in every season? A little perspective goes a long way. I pray that God starts to give me an aerial view of what’s happening. I pray for God-perspective, to see that it’s so much bigger than what I can see and my little world. I’ve started asking myself these questions: What is God doing in my life? What is He showing me in all this? What can I learn?

When that fails, I remind myself that right now, I only see in part. I may not think that the season I’m going through has anything to do with where I want to be, but one day I will see the purpose of it and praise God! He works all things together for my good. Plus, who am I to question my God? ²⁰ But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”^{[h] 21} Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use? (Romans 9:20-21)

But most of all, I find the most joy when I spend time in His presence and become aware of Him throughout my day. He speaks to us all the time, we just have to learn to listen. I crave that alone time with Him so much! It’s like a secret place that only me and my Savior know. There is an incredible joy in just living in complete surrender to Him and being content in the season He has put me in! But I’ll be honest, I have a hard time disciplining myself to set aside that personal time with Him. This is something I’m working on. I can always tell when I’m overdue for some Jesus time. My whole disposition is different.

I apologize for the lengthiness of this blog. I could go on and on about it! I hope that we, as Christ followers start to live in the joy of His presence and see things with new eyes.

¹ You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain. Psalm 139:1-6